Why doesnt he want to commit

Your relationship may be strong and steady, and you may feel ready to take it to the next level. However, your partner doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you, causing you to wonder why he won’t commit. Amidst a surge of complex feelings and uncertainties, you may feel like calling it quits.

But wait. Before you do anything rash, sit back and analyze what may be holding him back. It could be something related to you or something he is struggling with. Once you get more clarity, it will be clear whether you should walk away or give him more time.

Read this post to understand some probable reasons he is hesitant to commit to you.

15 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

1. The timing isn’t right

Maybe he is preparing for a career move or pursuing an education. He knows he loves you, but the relationship is not his priority right now. He is still trying to figure out what he wants to do in life and where he wants to be. This is not the right time for you to expect him to commit. Maybe he knows you will always be a part of his life wherever he is and feels he will always come back to you.

2. He has other priorities

Does he always prioritize work over you? Does he prefer to go out with his pals instead of spending an evening with you? Does he refuse to miss a game on TV to go for a movie with you? Does he cook up weird stories when you ask him to come home early to celebrate your birthday? See the red flags.

3. He compares you to his ex

If your man has had a break-up recently, it is likely he still thinks about his ex. Although things are great between the two of you, in his head, he still compares you to his ex. He wonders if certain things will still feel as good as the previous relationship.

4. He had a bad break-up

As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. Your guy probably had a bitter break-up. It still hurts him, and he is scared to commit yet again or get into an emotionally trying space again.

5. Most of his friends are single

If most of the guys in his circle are single, and he thinks it’s a happier and more comfortable space to be in, he will likely not want to commit. Some people think of commitment as a loss of freedom, which he may not be ready to forego yet.

6. He takes you for granted

We say that we should fall in love with the person and not what we envision them to be. But be cautious about accepting all his bad behaviors, habits, and wrongdoings. If you accept everything, he will take you for granted and disrespect your opinions. He will think he can get away with anything.

A man usually likes a woman who can stand her ground. A compromising woman will not seem to be a strong pillar for him. So, much as he enjoys hanging out and flirting with you, he will not be willing to seek any permanence to the relationship.

7. He is happy with the way you guys are

Perhaps you already give him everything he needs. You are in a live-in relationship, you fulfill his physical and emotional needs, and you care for him like a wife. He would not be interested in marriage or commitment if he is fully satisfied with what you guys have now.

8. You devalue yourself

If you constantly apologize and fall at his feet, and if you always make the first move to make up after a fight, you are telling him how little you think of yourself. He will probably not value or respect your strength if you show him you have none. Always putting yourself down or crawling back to him will make him cringe eventually. He does not want someone negative or someone they have to take care of constantly. 

9. He is a womanizer

He probably thinks he can get any woman he wants and, therefore, goes around with anyone who fancies him. He gets an ego boost from women going gaga over him. He does not think twice while flirting or courting other women in front of you or behind your back.

However much you may be in love with him, you may be just another one of them. He enjoys his life this way and would not care to commit.

10. He is in the relationship just for sex

To be blunt, some men are into it only for the sex. Conversations, dates, and fun times are mere foreplay to them. They love the build-up before jumping into bed with you. You may have misunderstood this as his interest. He is not looking to settle down with you; he loves the sex and will not let you go till he has to.

11. He doesn’t like pressure

Some men crumble under pressure. If you always pressure him for a commitment or give him signs that you want to move in together or get married, you’re likely pushing him away. He may be a nice guy, but some men just need to take it slow and come to the realization on their own.

12. Money matters to him

Your man may be serious about you, but to him, money matters. He needs to feel like he is financially stable to support a wife and family. He also needs to see that you are economically independent and are not in it just for the money. Again, if you make more money than him, he may have a severe complex with it. Some men just like to be the one who seemingly runs the house.

13. He has someone

Sometimes, you know your man has many girlfriends. You have secretly been jealous of his friendship with some of them too. You are his steady girlfriend, but he seems to have a great rapport with someone else. Their connection is quite visible. Are you sure he doesn’t have a crush on her? If you want a commitment from him, it gets him thinking, and he gets cold. Maybe he is weighing the pros and cons.

14. He had a tough past

Do you know his real story? Is he a guy who has been part of a broken family or had a tough childhood watching parents or family members fighting or moving apart? Or has he lived with foster parents who were not so great? A guy with an unhappy past may find it difficult to enter into a committed relationship.

He may have risen above it all and made a good life for himself, but he may always think of long-term relationships as an ugly chapter in someone’s life. He likes what he has with you but does not want to take a risk and make it messy.

15. He is bisexual

It’s his deep dark secret, and he hasn’t really come out of the closet, but something just isn’t right. He talks about threesomes with other men and you, he seems in awe of some guy, and  he talks about how handsome some men are and how attractive you are. If your man is bisexual or struggles with his sexuality, he will likely have commitment issues as he is unsure of what he wants for himself. He probably doesn’t want to regret it later.

What Should You Do If He Doesn’t Commit?

It’s a difficult phase in your relationship if you are ready to take it to the next level, and he is not. You thought everything was perfect, but suddenly, he seems to be less interested. What should you do? Well, introspect a while before coming to a decision.

If you think your man is serious about you but just needs some time or space, give it to him if it’s worth the wait. Sometimes, guys find it hard to communicate clearly. Maybe the time is just not right for him now, but he wants to be with you and will take it forward when he is ready.

If you are not under pressure to get hitched right away, you can give it some time. Let the relationship go ahead the way it already is. Be there for your man, support him in his endeavors, and make yourself stable and independent. This will only increase your value in his eyes, and he will come around sooner than you know.

On the other hand, if you realize he’s just not that into you, he prefers a carefree life, does not show any signs of wanting to settle down anytime soon, talks about exploring more options, or refuses to talk about your relationship seriously, it is obvious that he is not serious about you. These are a few red flags you need to watch out for. If you notice these often and feel you have no future with him, it’s time to walk away and start afresh.

1. Will walking away make him commit?

If you have tried all possible ways to get your man to commit to you and nothing seems to be working, you may contemplate walking away for a while from him. In your absence, he may miss you, realize your worth, and reevaluate your relationship, which could make him rethink his decision. However, some men may commit after you walk away from them, while others may still not be ready for commitment. Hence, it is best to be prepared for both scenarios.

2. How long does it take for a man to commit?

Usually, men may take six months to a year to commit to a relationship. Also, most people (including men and women) think it is ideal to wait for at least one year before committing to someone.

Why he won’t commit is a common question that comes to many girls’ minds when a guy they are dating is acting aloof around them. Sometimes men may not commit if most of their friends are single, have other priorities, and need more time to make a life decision. Some men may not have any intentions to commit if they have a girlfriend or do not want to take their relationship to the next level. Some people with a tough past, such as a broken family, may need more time to enter into a committed relationship.

• Several reasons such as career goals and fear of responsibilities, can make a guy refrain from committing to a relationship with you.
• He may be taking you for granted, is driven only by lust, or a womanizer.
• First, make sure that he is into you and then if marriage is not an absolute necessity at the moment, give your relationship some time.

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Jessica Jefferson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified perinatal mental health professional trained to help clients suffering from mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. She graduated with a Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Miami, a Masters in Psychology in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a Masters in Family Therapy from Nova... more