Why am I suddenly getting lots of male attention

Índice Show

Self-esteem
Histrionic personality disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder
1. We’re Sexually Attracted To People Who Remind Us Of Our Parents
2. We’re Sexually Attracted To Those Who Look Like Us
3. Sexual Attraction Changes Throughout A Woman’s Cycle
4. Men’s Sexual Attraction Changes With the Seasons
5. The Pill Has A Major Effect On Sexual Attraction

Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — Written by Scott Frothingham on February 28, 2020

Overview
Examples
Common causes
What to do
Takeaway

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For adults, attention-seeking behavior is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

Attention-seeking behavior can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of this behavior include:

fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
being controversial to provoke a reaction
exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or watch the attempt to do it

Attention-seeking behavior may be driven by:

jealousy
low self-esteem
loneliness

Sometimes attention-seeking behavior is the result of cluster B personality disorders, such as:

Jealousy

Jealousy may come about when someone feels threatened by another person currently getting all the attention.

This, in turn, can lead to attention-seeking behavior to change the focus.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is a broad term covering a variety of complex mental states involving how you view yourself.

When some people believe that they’re being overlooked, bringing back the lost attention is may feel like the only way to restore their balance.

The attention that they get from this behavior may help provide them with the feeling of reassurance that they are worthy.

Loneliness

According to the Health Resources and Services Administration, 1 in 5 Americans say they feel lonely or socially isolated.

Loneliness can result in an urge to seek attention, even in people who don’t normally exhibit attention-seeking behavior.

Histrionic personality disorder

According to the National Library of Medicine, histrionic personality disorder is characterized by feeling underappreciated when not the center of attention.

For someone to receive a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder, they need to meet at least 5 of the following criteria:

uncomfortable when not the center of attention
provocative or seductive behavior
shallow and shifting emotions
using appearance to draw attention
vague or impressionistic speech
exaggerated or dramatic emotions
is suggestible
treating relationships as more intimate than they are

Borderline personality disorder

Borderline personality disorder is a continuing pattern of instability in self-image, interpersonal relationships, emotion, and impulsivity.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, for someone to receive a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, they need to display at least 5 of the following criteria:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
a pattern of intense and unstable interpersonal relationships with extremes between devaluation and idealization
a decidedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
engaging in potentially self-damaging, impulsive behavior
recurring self-harm or suicidal behavior, including threats or gestures
emotionally instability in daily reactions, such as through irritability, anxiety, or intense sadness
chronic feelings of emptiness
inappropriately intense anger that’s often difficult to control
transient, stress-related paranoia or disassociation

Narcissistic personality disorder

Those with narcissistic personality disorder typically have a need for admiration with a lack of empathy.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, for someone to receive a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, they need to display at least 5 of the following criteria:

a grandiose sense of self-importance
a preoccupation with fantasies of power, unlimited success, brilliance, ideal love, beauty
a belief in their own uniqueness, especially that they should only associate with, and will only be understood by, high-status institutions and high-status people
demand for excessive admiration
a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations
taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends
unwillingness to identify with or recognize the needs and feelings of others
envy of others and belief that others are envious of them
haughty, arrogant attitudes or behaviors

If you notice this behavior is constantly recurring, it’s probably best for the person display the behavior to visit an experienced mental health professional.

If left unchecked, attention-seeking behavior can often become manipulative or otherwise harmful.

Attention-seeking behavior may stem from jealousy, low self-esteem, loneliness, or as a result of a personality disorder.

If you notice this behavior in you or someone else, a mental health professional can provide diagnosis and treatment options.

Last medically reviewed on February 28, 2020

While we already know that sexual harassment in the human world sucks, a new study has found that in the animal kingdom, it’s also not making ladies feel any better about themselves. The study by The University of Queensland’s School of Biological Sciences has found that when male fruit flies give too much sexual attention to female fruit flies, it's harmful. It totally distracts them, disrupting their ability to basically make their way in the world. The attention that these sexually attractive female flies get (yes, flies can be sexually attractive!), is so overwhelming that they can’t even function… which sounds very similar to what sexual harassment can do to human females, too.

As the study found, female fruit flies with “superior genes” spend so much time fending off dude flies, that they can’t even get down to the business of laying eggs. Because of this, those “superior” genes aren't getting a chance to be spread onto further generations therefore making fruit flies even more annoying and seemingly useless as ever. The male fruit flies may think they’re doing the female fruit flies a favor by prancing around telling them how hot they are, but they’re having the opposite effect.

In some ways we can’t fault the flies, because they are just flies, but the study is proof that sexual attraction, whether it’s between insects or humans, is an interesting thing over which we have little to no control.

Ever wondered why you’re sexually attracted to the person you are or why you just can’t seem to bring yourself to want to have sex with that super hot guy in your office that everyone else thinks is delicious? Well, here are five things to know about sexual attraction.

1. We’re Sexually Attracted To People Who Remind Us Of Our Parents

While this, in no way means you’re even remotely sexually attracted to your mom and dad, it does show that we’re drawn to what is familiar to us. Studies have found that the caregivers we have early in life shape our attraction to people later on.

A 2013 study also found that attraction level could be based on how old your parents were when they had you. The study of 2278 people over the age of 25 found that the age bracket that they found most attractive was that of the age their parents were when they had them.

2. We’re Sexually Attracted To Those Who Look Like Us

Although being into himself may have drowned Narcissus, being sexually attracted to people who look like us is actually a thing.

A 2010 study found that, in addition to being drawn to those who resemble family members, we also prefer our looks to those of strangers. During three experiments, participants were given photos of strangers, photos of strangers morphed with photos of themselves, and subliminal photos of their parent of the opposite gender as them. The results were that the photos containing morphed images of the participants’ own faces where the ones deemed most sexually attractive. So… Narcissus wasn’t completely weird in his adoration for himself.

3. Sexual Attraction Changes Throughout A Woman’s Cycle

If you’ve ever found that you’re super attracted to a certain person for a few days, then it immediately dies a week later, it’s just your hormones messing with you… and looking for your ideal match.

Research has found that not only do women fall in and out of sexual attraction over the course of their menstrual cycle, but when they're most fertile their sexual attraction for manly men goes into overdrive. It’s at that point that men with deep voices and furry faces really score when it comes to ladies. But then it passes, because as a 2010 study found, women only want those manly men while they're fertile and not for the long term. Basically, women want to have make babies with Thor, but marry the soft, sensitive, poet type.

4. Men’s Sexual Attraction Changes With the Seasons

While women may see a fluctuation in their sexual attraction for others over the course of a month, men see it on more of a seasonal basis.

A 2013 study of 114 heterosexual men between 16 and 53 found that while attraction to a women’s faces didn’t change so much over a year’s time, it was in the winter months that men’s interest started to pique in regards to bodies. Despite the thought that men’s attraction for women’s bodies goes up several notches during the spring and summer, the study found that in the winter men found themselves more sexually attracted to women’s bodies and breasts than any other time of year.

5. The Pill Has A Major Effect On Sexual Attraction

According to a 2014 study, the Pill can have such a major effect on women’s hormones that if she gets off the Pill mid-relationship, she can stop being sexually attracted to her partner. This is especially the case if a woman was in a relationship with a man who was below the conventional standard of handsome. Conventionally good-looking guys don’t have to worry so much.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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