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Sometimes it's hard to know how to offer support to a grieving relative, friend or colleague. We may be afraid of saying the wrong thing, so we say nothing at all, which may leave the bereaved person feeling isolated and alone. If you haven't experienced the death of a loved one, you may have unrealistic expectations of how the grieving person should feel, or how quickly they should return to the activities of daily living or get on with their life. There are many things you can do or say to help but remember that everyone's experience of grief is different. Some of your thoughts and suggestions may be appropriate and others may not be. If you're unsure of how to support someone who is grieving, ask them to tell you what they need or want. Just letting them know that you care and wish to help can provide great comfort. How to help a bereaved person in the first few daysSuggestions on how to help a bereaved person in the first few days include:
Grief isn’t something you can ‘fix’It is a natural response when we know someone is upset to want to fix things for them. Following the death of loved one, however, the reality is that you can’t ‘fix’ their grief. There is nothing you can say that will make a bereaved person feel better about their loss; but there are things you can do to provide comfort and support for them during this difficult time. Listen with compassion to a bereaved personThe most important help you can offer is a willing ear. Allow the bereaved person to talk and express their grief in whatever way they need. This may include crying, angry outbursts, screaming, laughing, expressions of guilt or regret, or engaging in activities that reduce their stress, such as walking or gardening. Some things to consider:
Practical help for a grieving personYou can show the grieving person that you care by offering practical help, such as:
Approaches to avoid with a bereaved personApproaches to avoid include:
It is a natural reaction to want to ease the person's pain. However, well-meaning words that encourage the bereaved to 'look on the bright side' can be hurtful. The type of comments that should be avoided include:
Grief over timeGrief is a process, not an event. It doesn’t have a timeline, and it is not unusual for grief to be felt over an extended period of time – whether it be months, years, or even decades after the person’s death. Some things to consider:
When to seek further help for griefAlthough grief can be very painful, most people find that with the support of their family and friends and their own resources, they gradually find ways to learn to live with their loss, and do not need to seek professional help. However, sometimes the circumstance of the death may have been particularly distressing, such as a traumatic, sudden or unexpected death, or there may be circumstances that make the grief particularly acute or complicated. Consider suggesting your friend or relative seeks professional help if, over time, they seem to be struggling to manage their day-to-day life. Where to get helpThis page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
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