Permissive parenting is a type of parenting style characterized by low demands with high responsiveness. Permissive parents tend to be very loving, yet provide few guidelines and rules. These parents do not expect mature behavior from their children and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure. These parents tend to be the polar opposite of the so-called "helicopter parents." Instead of hovering over their children's every move, permissive parents are incredibly lax and rarely make or enforce any type of rules or structure. Their motto is often simply that "kids will be kids." While they are usually warm and loving, they make little or no attempt to control or discipline their kids.
Because there are few rules, expectations, and demands, children raised by permissive parents tend to struggle with self-regulation and self-control. Based on her research with preschool-age children, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three major parenting styles. In later years, researchers would continue to investigate the different styles of parenting and even added a fourth style. Permissive parenting is one of the original parenting styles described by Baumrind. Permissive parenting is sometimes known as indulgent parenting. Parents who exhibit this style make relatively few demands on their children. Because these parents have low expectations for self-control and maturity, discipline is a rarity. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation." Permissive parents:
Researchers have found that the overly relaxed approach to parenting exhibited by permissive parents can lead to a number of negative outcomes. Children raised by permissive parents tend to lack self-discipline, possess poor social skills, may be self-involved and demanding, and may feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance. Research has also suggested that kids raised by permissive parents:
In one study, permissive parenting was linked to underage alcohol use; teens with permissive parents were three times more likely to engage in heavy drinking. Researchers also suggest that permissive parenting is linked to other risky behaviors such as drug use and other forms of misconduct. Because permissive parenting involves a lack of demands and expectations, children raised by parents with this style tend to grow up without a strong sense of self-discipline. They may be more unruly in school due to the lack of boundaries in the home and may be less academically motivated than many of their peers. Since these parents have few requirements for mature behavior, children may lack skills in social settings. While they may be good at interpersonal communication, they lack other important skills such as sharing. If you tend to be a pushover or struggle to enforce rules, consider looking for ways that you can develop some more authoritative parenting habits. This can be difficult at times, because it often means becoming stricter, enforcing rules, and being able to cope with your child being upset. Some strategies you might consider:
Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares what mentally strong parents do.
Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts Permissive parenting can lead to a number of problems, so it pays to consciously try to utilize a more authoritative approach if you recognize these signs of permissiveness in your own parenting. If you tend to be more of a permissive parent, think of ways that you can help your children understand your expectations and guidelines and be consistent about your enforcement of these rules. By providing your kids with the right balance of structure and support, you can ensure that they grow up with the skills they need to succeed in life.
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