What is a good definition of assertiveness and an important leadership quality?

By: Hsin-Yi Cohen BSc, MA, MSt - Updated: 14 Aug 2020 |

In order for a leader to state his personal and group needs in an effective manner, he or she needs to be able to be assertive when required. Assertiveness is an important part of effective communication – it enables others to not only be clear about what you want and where they stand but also gives them an opportunity to modify their behaviour or respond with their own needs and ideas.

A good leader will know how to use assertiveness to gain respect and authority, without alienating any members of the group or anyone outside the group. Like many leadership skills, assertiveness is something that can be learned and maintained with regular practice.

Assertive Vs Aggressive?

When you are assertive, you are aiming to equalise the balance of power, as opposed to just “winning the fight”, possibly through negative ways such as humiliating or hurting another person,. Leaders who practise assertiveness correctly are more interested in negotiation a new solution with the other individual, than in just “I win / you lose”.

By being assertive in the right way, leaders can express their legitimate needs, wants, ideas and feelings – and in this way, create honest relationships with others while at the same time also enabling others to respond with their own needs, wants, ideas and feelings.

Assertiveness In Leadership

There are many benefits to being assertive in the right way – by standing up for yourself and your group and communicating your needs, you will gain respect for yourself and your group, because people respect those who can honestly express their feelings and needs in a non-confrontational manner.

Being assertive can help relationships to become more authentic, as you will be able to share your honest reactions with others and encourage them to do the same with you. In addition, expressing your feelings about other people’s behaviour gives them an accurate indicator of where they stand and enables them to modify their behaviour.

In fact, although many people fear being assertive because they worry about the potential for conflict, not being assertive can also damage relationships because you end up sacrificing your integrity and denying honest, personal feelings – which can lead to resentment and damaged relationships.

Assertive Behaviour

Alternatively, you can display escalating assertive behaviour where you start with just some basic assertions but then increase the intensity of your feelings and ideas if the other person remains unresponsive to your expressions. Finally, there is confrontational assertive behaviour when the other party’s ideas and beliefs are directly in conflict with yours.

Different types of assertive behaviour will suit different people and different individuals. However, there are some general guidelines which hold good for all instances – for example, don’t be afraid to set limits and be firm in holding to them; don’t back down at the first instance of pressure from others. Similarly, don’t be afraid to say “No” – don’t fall into the guilt trap – be honest with others if you are unable or unwilling to take on a responsibility, follow through with a project or agree with an opinion.

Finally, if you are having trouble showing assertive behaviour, trying “rewriting the whole scene” – in other words, picture a time when you weren’t assertive enough and go through it again, imagining what you would have or should have said instead and what the idea assertive response would be. These mental role-plays will help you be more assertive in similar situation in the future.

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Great article! We tend to talk about confidence in leadership more than we talk about assertiveness. In your opinion, what is the first step to become assertive?

journeytoleadershipb - 28-Apr-19 @ 8:51 PM

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Assertive Leadership is key to being an effective Leader. Leaders who aren’t assertive fall into two categories: those that are too passive and those that are too aggressive. Either of these non-assertive communication styles can be detrimental.

Why You Should Be an Assertive Leader:

You should be an Assertitve Leader because unassertive leaders adversely impact the following and Assertive Leaders increase it:

1. Team motivation
2. Collaboration
3. Productivity
4. Employee commitment to the organization’s goals, mission, and vision

Specifically, the negative effects of leading too passively include not:

• Giving clear expectations
• Holding their staff accountable for assigned tasks
• Giving constructive feedback
• Representing the needs of their employees and/or department

The negative effects of leading too aggressively include staff being afraid to:

• Share their ideas
• Take action (lack of empowerment)
• Alert their leader(s) about mistakes or customer dissatisfaction

An aggressive approach also often results in peers going around the leader instead of collaborating with them due to fear of the leader:

• Blocking team communication
• Dominating
• Stonewalling
• Obstructing

Leading aggressively almost always results in sub-optimal problem solving and surprises that negatively impact the leader and their team.

The Definition Of An Assertive Leader

In contrast, Assertive leaders are active, direct, specific, and honest. They respect themselves, require respect from others, and respect everyone they work with at all levels. Those who use an Assertive Leadership style know that productive relationships entail give and take. And they temper meeting the needs of their organization (or department), with an understanding that other departments must meet their business needs for the goals of the overall organization to be met.

Assertive professionals seek win-win solutions. They work through conflict by negotiating and influencing, not through avoidance (a passive-aggressive approach) or through taking what they want without regard to others’ needs (an aggressive approach).

Effective leaders choose to act and communicate assertively most of the time because it is the most effective approach in most situations. But, choosing an Assertive, Aggressive, or passive approach should be situational.

Choosing A Winning Style To Fit The Situation: Aggressive, Passive, Or Assertive:

There are times when aggressive behavior can be appropriate, like when:

• There is an emergent situation that puts staff, the organization or customers in danger or at risk
• The company might lose a customer
• A staff member is insubordinate

In addition, there are also times when a leader might create a better business outcome by leaning towards a passive style. For example, when a customer is very angry or when a peer is strongly emotional about a certain solution and they’re unable to entertain another viewpoint.

Being a truly assertive leader means having the flexibility, self-awareness, and self-discipline, to choose the right approach on the Assertiveness Continuum in each situation to create the best business outcome.

Why Change From Being a Passive Leader?

In our experience, leaders (or professionals) who lean toward being passive, are often passed over for promotions. They often need to become more assertive to move up the leadership rungs. And in some cases, passive leaders are demoted due to poor performance and need to look for a new career path.

You can’t effectively drive your staff to get the right things done in the right time frame if you are passive.

Why Change From Being An Aggressive Leader?

For leaders who are extremely aggressive, retaining their leadership role, at all, often entails learning to be less aggressive and more assertive.

About 70% of firings occur due to leaders (or professionals) being too aggressive.

Sometimes companies hire a Leadership Coach because they have a leader that is great technically, but they are considering demoting or firing the leader because of the damage they’re doing to the people they work with. The price of their aggressive behavior is just too high for the organization.

Luckily, Coaching often helps aggressive leaders tone down their aggression and increase their assertiveness.  The aggressive leader needs to want to change and has to put effort into it, but they can change.  And, they need to open themselves up to the Coaching process. Sometimes this kind of change takes some very deep work and courage to face things challenging information about oneself.

Aggressive To Assertive – Example

Here’s an example of a leader who was able to shift from aggressive to assertive leadership.  An SVP we worked with was sent to us because she was being too aggressive with her staff and peers. Her peers avoided inviting her to meetings because she either attacked their ideas or pushed her own agenda so dominantly that no one else could get their ideas heard.  Unfortunately, the team could only create sub-optimal business solutions without this key SVP’s input.

The Executive Leadership Team also often relied on the CEO to resolve conflicts with the SVP, which took up too much of his time.  In addition, the SVP’s staff became uncommunicative because it was so unpleasant to interact with her, which meant that she was often blindsided by issues which her staff did not bring up to her.

Also, the SVP’s aggressive behavior adversely impacted the company and its customers. So, it was imperative that this either leader change or leave the company.

Most often, when a leader leans strongly towards an aggressive style (or a passive style), there is a deeper reason that drives this behavior. And these leaders aren’t self-regulating.  They don’t choose how they behave; they let emotion drive their behavior.

How Leadership Coaching Helped This Aggressive Leader

At first, in Coaching, the client resisted the deep work necessary to make lasting change. Over time, she came to trust and respect her Coach, and was able, with her Coach’s help, deeply examine her beliefs and attitudes.

Through deep reflection, she found that she was emulating her father, who she deeply respected. He had served in the military in wartime. She had learned from him that leaders need to direct and command to keep their team safe and attain their wartime objectives.

But what she didn’t realize was that this type of leadership was needed for emergency situations (like war) but wasn’t effective for her current role in leading everyday operations.

So, her Coach helped her shift this belief and also helped her practice assertive behaviors. As a result, the SVP began to use assertive leadership and her department and her company began operating more effectively.