What do you do when you feel out of place somewhere?

We all have times in our life when we think that we do not belong here, and this place is just not right for me, and the loneliness in heart acts as a motivator for feeling bad, shattered, and empty. The sense of being abandoned is the most dangerous feeling anyone could have. Feeling empty may cause not only psychological but physiological problems as well. The person may face many issues of heart and brain with a higher rate of strokes.

Índice Show

4 Top Tips To Achieve Sense of Belonging
1. Question Your Core Beliefs
2. Practice the Self-Acceptance Unconditionally
3. Don’t Say “Or” Instead Use “And.”
4. Healing Yourself Must Be Top Priority
Final Remarks
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I always had plenty of buddies and would surround myself with individuals always. My entire vacation was worked out of being a social butterfly. I was with people to such an extent that I persuaded myself I was an outgoing individual. I hauled myself into more upbeat hours than I’d the spending financial plan for, didn’t miss a birthday, and highly esteemed the one individual everybody can depend on. It’d take a long time to comprehend I was covertly self-observer with extraordinary people satisfying propensities.

And although I was a social dude, I was very lonely inside. During the years, I’ve learned ways to handle these folks’ pleasing trends and feel like myself.

4 Top Tips To Achieve Sense of Belonging

The following are four top tricks to use whenever you find alone with no one to hold and a sense of “not-belonging.”

1. Question Your Core Beliefs

According to Joanna Filidor, an author at Talkspace LMFT, people with a feeling of emptiness or a sense of not belonging to a place are the ones who have usually been fighting this loneliness their entire lives. By way of example, if you grew up feeling different, you may have a core belief that I don’t belong, these kinds of core beliefs become tacky and start to shape the way you see the world.

According to Filidor, as we move in our lives, we often pay attention to when we had the incident feeling of not belonging and not on the overall experience where you belonged to the group. Your brain only remembers the particular incident to support the core belief one has.

For super-sensitive people like me, one thing I realized was that the more inner work is done, the more you encage yourself without any reason and lack to create a sense of self.

2. Practice the Self-Acceptance Unconditionally

There are times when you find yourself utterly lonely in a place full of people, and still, no one to talk to. One of the remedies that help most people in situations like this is self-love and self-acceptance. If you love and accept yourself only then, you’ll be able to pull yourself together. But the more you think about it, the more you’ll suffer. The best thing to do in a situation like this is not to try to be accepted. If you decide to be taken, you’ll never be accepted or at least feel out of place. Just believe that this place is yours, and you do not need to adjust to it. You should not try to fit in and try to say as much as possible to have a conversation. If you decide to fit-in, then you’ll always try to fit-in. So, go with the flow and talk when you have something in mind to add up to the on-going conversation or start a new discussion that you want to talk about. Don’t just say stuff only because you have to but instead, want to.

3. Don’t Say “Or” Instead Use “And.”

There are times when we feel that “I have a place with my companions yet not with my family”. Or it may be that “my work yet not my organization”. Or on the other hand, it that I do not get along with “the White people group however not the Asian people group”. Or the opposite way around that “the Asian people group yet not the White people group”. It may also be the case that “my marriage yet not the area wherein we live”.

Having a place is multi-faceted, and it’s essential to regard the multi-faceted nature of your emotions about the spaces in which you believe you do or don’t have a place. According to Filidor, whenever anyone has a sense of loneliness and in a state of conflicting personalities, this is the point when one should emphasize more upon “and” rather than the conventional usage of “or” As she clarifies, “We can be a certain something and another simultaneously, regardless of whether those negate.” Just considering the trick that you can feel from different perspectives, even though you have contrasting opinions, allows you to have a relaxed and tolerating feeling about your real self.

4. Healing Yourself Must Be Top Priority

No one would be able to get together if they do not learn the art of healing yourself. We should never accept anyone to come up to you and make you happy or heal up your heart. You have to do that yourself. The best way to live a happy life is not to expect anything from anyone. When you do not put expectations from people, you would be able to live comfortably without the feeling of regret, loneliness, hopelessness, and a sense of “not belonging.”

Mastering the art of healing yourself will help you your entire life. Devoting yourself to inner work and having your healing process work fast as a priority is an essential step towards a sense of belonging. We won’t be able to able to shift our behaviors, relationships, and our mindsets from negative to positive if we are unaware that it requires changing.

Final Remarks

Today in our unrealistic world, we are all covered by masks of fashion, luxury, and success. Masks about people we are not, showcasing that there is nothing lonely, and everyone has everything is also a cause of our sense of “not belonging.” As much as I am complicated, the more effort you need to put into making yourself realize that it is not the truth and just a cover-up. You are worthy and do not have to be anyone else, accept the person you are. If people like you, then you are ok and if they don’t, then you’re ok as well.

After my last blog post, my friend Susan wrote and said, “I liked what you had to say, but what about the corollary of ‘I don’t care where I am, I just don’t want to be here’?” She went on to say that she had gone dancing that night – an activity she usually loves – but had a terrible time because “I brought my ‘I don’t want to be here’ self with me.”

So I have some ideas about this, of course. A great myth propagated by our society – and sometimes my very profession – is that we should feel good all the time. People spend a lot of time and energy trying to avoid feeling bad; we don’t like feeling bad and we want to change it. That makes sense, but it’s not very realistic. There are times when we are going to be grouchy or mad or sad or uncomfortable inside our own skins. As the poet William Stafford says,

Look: no one ever promised for sure that we would sing. We have decided to moan. In a strange dance that we don’t understand till we do it, we

have to carry on.

So the key is to not resist where you are. Here are five ideas on how to do that:

1. Accept your bad moods and learn from them. We resist the “bad” emotions of anger, sadness, anxiety, and irritability and yet they are just emotions – they are neither good nor bad. What they can do for you, though, is act as a signal that something is amiss for you. Instead of resisting the emotion, go with it and see from where it arises. What new thing can you learn about yourself from your mood?

2. You’re here now, so look around and see what you can learn. Even if you bring your “I don’t want to be here” self to the party, you’re there now anyway. Is there some reason you came to where you are? Is there a person you’re supposed to meet or a lesson to learn about yourself? Take a breath and let go of the idea that you should want to be where you are. The fact is, you’re there so what opportunity is presenting itself to you? Maybe the opportunity is just a chance to learn to be okay with being somewhere you don’t want to be for awhile.

3. See how you got there and maybe you won’t have to go there again. So, you’re in a place you don’t want to be. How did you get there? Perhaps you weren’t listening to the voice inside you that was saying, “I really don’t feel like doing this tonight” or “I’ve had bad experiences in the past with this person” or “I know I won’t feel well physically if I eat this thing I’m allergic to” or ______ (fill in the blank.)

4. Don’t waste your energy wishing you were somewhere else. Here’s a really simple example: I used to just hate being stuck in traffic or at a red light when I was running late. I wished really hard that I would be anywhere but where I was. I would get really upset and grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, tense my whole body, grind my teeth, and either silently or out loud curse the person or light that was adding to my lateness. Since I tend to be a late person, this took up a lot of my energy and I would arrive to my destination drained, tired, and cranky.

After years of doing this, a couple of thoughts occurred to me. One was the reality that all of my tension and upset did nothing to influence either the stoplight or other drivers’ behaviors. I was expending all my energy on some sort of magical belief that I could change the situation if I just got uptight enough about it. The other thought that came to me was that lightning had never struck when I was late. Not that I wanted to continue being late all the time, but the truth was that nothing terribly bad had ever happened because of it. Sure, I felt embarrassed or uncomfortable sometimes, but the end of the world as I had anticipated it through my mental and physical gyrations never actually occurred.

Now, instead of wasting my energy, I think two thoughts: “I have no control over that stoplight or the actions of other drivers.” And, “It’s my own fault I’m late. It’s embarrassing, but not the end of the world.”

You can use this same system when you are expending a lot of energy wishing you are somewhere other than where you are right now. If you have no control over where you are, let it go. If you do, do something about it. And ask yourself if it’s really the end of the world to be where you are.

5. It’s okay that you don’t want to be there. Don’t overemphasize how bad it is to not want to be somewhere. Where you are emotionally or physically is probably not the worst place in the world. You don’t have to like it, though, no one says you do. Yesterday, a friend and I were sharing our experiences of deep grieving from several years ago. Neither of us ever wanted to be in that emotional place and we certainly did not like it. But there we were. And what did we do? I didn’t like where I was, but I was there, so sometimes I divided the day up into five minute intervals and thought, “I’ll just get through the next five minutes,” all day long. My friend said she just put one leaden foot in front of the other until she started to move out of that space where she didn’t want to be.

No one promised we would sing; we have decided to moan. And that’s okay.

William Stafford, An Introduction to Some Poems, in The Way It Is: New and Selected Poems. Graywolf Press, 1999.